The world is watching now/people looking for truth/we must not fail them now/be sure, before we close our eyes/
don't walk away from here/'til you see both sides.
-- Phil Collins, Both Sides of the Story
Yesterday I gave you my list of ten comics that matter; ten ongoing titles you can find in stores now that prove that there is life yet to be found in those floppy monthly pamphlets that so many people say is a dead expression of comics art. The fact that there are ten titles that matter, of course, implies that there are ten (or more) that don't. Today, we visit a realm of fearful symmetry...the ten that don't.
Now, I'm not trying to be a malicious bastard here. We all know that most comics don't matter, that like anything, 95 percent of them are all crap. Actually, most all of ANYTHING is crap. That's one of the basic rules of existence. It's just that I write about comic books, not plastic flowers or Allen wrenches, 95 percent of which are no doubt ALSO crap. If all or most comics were any damn good at all, you'd hardly need me or anyone else to point you to the good ones -- in this fantasy world, they're all good, remember?
So let's not just look at mediocre books that take up rack space better dedicated to Wal-Mart flyers or the Yellow Pages. Let's look at ten titles that actively harm the artform or industry of comics, or both. These are egregious mistakes that deserve to be eliminated, both to make room for better comics, and as an apology to the readers they've been inflicted upon.
THE AUTHORITY -- Published by DC/Wildstorm. DC has proven itself utterly malicious and probably homophobic in its handling of this title. Rich Johnston's rumour column recently revealed that DC is asking for writers to pitch a new series, but that "they don't want to see any gay stuff between Apollo and Midnighter." Warren Ellis has said "THE AUTHORITY is not about Apollo and The Midnighter being gay. I was deliberately sketchy about the lives of all the characters. Much of their internal lives were inference. The book was no more about them being gay than it was about any of the others being hetero." Indeed, many readers didn't even pick up on Batman and Superm -- I mean, Midnighter and Apollo being gay until Mark "Subtle as a Heart Attack" Millar came aboard with his tales of Jackhammer Ass Rape. I think we've pretty definitively seen that Warren Ellis is the only writer capable of properly writing his creations (discounting Tom Peyer, who had one of the most thankless tasks ever -- writing issues no one wanted to see, and did wonderfully well despite the circumstances), and DC, needs to accept that Ellis is never coming back and let the goddamned thing die. Yes, it was once a wonderful, grownup adventure book with a post-ironic sense of humour and incredible artwork. Anything coming in the future without Ellis attached will clearly be the cynical money-grab I've been warning against for some time now.
CAPTAIN AMERICA -- Published by Marvel Comics. So far, the first two issues have been beautiful to look at but stupid and disappointing from the writing angle, cynically manipulating the reader's genuine emotions about terrorism to attempt to invest them in an implausible, facile story about an artificial "terrorist" who doesn't act anything like a real terrorist. He doesn't even protest outside an abortion clinic. Perhaps John Ney Reiber is pulling some sort of stunt of misdirection and will eventually get to some kind of valid point, but I am not optimistic, and will probably drop this unless #3 shows a significant change in direction.
DK2 -- Published by DC Comics. My e-mail tells me my comments on this nightmarishly bad series have resonated with readers and professionals alike. The loudest defenders of this garish practical joke are people who make a great deal of money off it (i.e., retailers), and I can't begrudge anyone making a living legally, I guess, but for anyone looking for quality in Miller's sequel to his landmark 80s Batman work, this ain't it. Until #3 actually hits the stands, I stand by my theory that there is no #3, and that that is the punchline to Miller's meanspirited joke on DC and its readers.
IRON MAN -- Published by Marvel Comics. When Frank Tieri left Iron Man and Mike Grell was announced as the new writer, I actually had hope that one of my favourite Marvel characters was going to be done right again. Grell's handling of Ollie Queen a decade or two ago matured the character in a way that, I thought, would be appealing on Tony Stark as well. Turns out there's nothing appealing about this book, as Grell tries to be of the moment by ham-handedly bringing in Muslim extremism and an atmosphere of defeat so thick you could choke on it. The only thing that's improved since Tieri left is that there's no longer an odd and inappropriate sexual subtext. That hasn't been replaced by anything, so this mediocre title is ironically even less interesting than when Tieri was stinking up the room.
JLA -- Published by DC Comics. Like Avengers, here's a company's flagship team title that just a year or three back was one of the best mainstream titles on the racks. After thoroughly botching the Mark Waid/Bryan Hitch era, the editors in charge of JLA ought to have resigned en masse, and the title should have been gracefully retired. The current creative torpidity is a real crime against the characters, especially when you look at how well the current Justice League cartoon and animated-style comic book are conveying the power and sense of wonder inherent in the Big Seven.
LAB RATS -- Published by DC Comics. John Byrne spent much of the 1970s growing as a mainstream superhero artist and much of the 1980s impressing with his dynamic and appealing style, an amalgamation of influences from Neal Adams, Gil Kane, and others. In the 1990s, he launched a creator-owned series called John Byrne's Next Men, and that was the last time that he demonstrated any sustained effort at anything other than an impressive dedication to wrong-headed hackwork. I honestly believe much of what Byrne's done in the past decade is either subconsciously or deliberately aimed at revenging himself on the marketplace for rejecting Next Men, which was actually a fairly inventive read. With Lab Rats, Byrne's back, and more bitter than ever with Lab Rats, a lifeless sequel-in-spirit to Next Men. With Wonder Woman, Jack Kirby's Fourth World, X-Men: The Hidden Years, Hulk and Spider-Man: Chapter One, Byrne proved again and again that he'd lost his touch and was treading water by giving the kids what he thinks they want. With Lab Rats, we see that even when he appears to be trying, Byrne is as worn out and tired of his style as the rest of us are.
PETER PARKER: SPIDER-MAN -- Published by Marvel Comics. The most recent issue was incredibly bad, despite nice Humberto Ramos art. Paul Jenkins is perhaps the most overrated writer in comics today, a 21st Century Shaggy Dog story being told over and over again in multiple titles. As I said in a recent review, "Jenkins has made PPSM a title I feel no need to read at all, with a steady competence occasionally interrupted by bad stories about characters based on fonts and the like. Here he's been handed the task of tying into the Spider-Man movie by bringing back Norman Osborn as the Green Goblin, and even Peter and the Goblin see it for the marketing ploy it is. Peter asks 'Why now?' Norman answers 'Why not?' and cynically concedes the lack of necessity for this tale." Dropped this when the font-based villain started throwing giant letters at Spider-Man and haven't regretted it a bit. With the top-notch work being done in Amazing Spider-Man and Ultimate Spider-Man, this is one book that needs to be put out of its misery.
SPIDER-MAN: BLUE -- Sparing you any belaboured "And Spider-Man blew, too," jokes, I will say that I think Loeb and Sale as a creative team are as overrated as Paul Jenkins. They've become the tire-retreaders of the comics world, using the good work of more gifted creators to ride some sort of slapped-together coattail of success. I don't currently own a single thing they've created together, and my life is better for it.
UNCANNY X-MEN -- Published by Marvel Comics. The revolution will not only not be televised, it won't even be a revolution. When Joe Quesada and Bill Jemas announced their bold new X-Era with creators Grant Morrison, Frank Quitely, Joe Casey and (...the hell?!) Ian Churchill, it almost, kind of, sort of, if you squinted, looked like the X-Men line of comics might not stink quite as much as it once had. Well, Quitely has done little but tease with his occasional appearances that have crippled any momentum Morrison might have developed, and as funny as it seems, we'd probably have been better off if Churchill had stayed and Casey had left Uncanny X-Men. Casey is another hilariously overrated writer who has done precious little quality work in comics, and his Nazi-themed pseudo-Morrisonisms on this book have generated nothing but disgust and pity, at least from this quarter.
WIZARD: THE GUIDE TO COMICS -- The premier magazine of criticism and commentary has been, for three decades, The Comics Journal. You'd never know it, though, as in the minds of all too many readers Wizard is the public face of comics journalism. No, it's not really a comic book, but the nearly unspeakable harm that Wizard has done to comics makes it important to note its impact on a generation of readers. You'd think after years of fake price guide entries, questionable promotional relationships with CGC and its own subsidiaries and the promotion of completely worthless "Hot" comics, this snake oil salesman of the industry would be laughed at by even the most naive, greedy comic book "investor." But despite the fact that the "news" it features is always months behind the curve thanks to the internet, despite the fact that its mean-spirited point-of-view tells its own readers how pathetic they are on a regular basis, and despite the obvious nature of the magazine's likely unethical (and certainly obnoxious) attempts at conning readers into "investing" in products it makes a profit on (like its limited-edition action figures -- details here and here -- , and CGC-slabbed comic books -- CGC being a huge advertising boon to the magazine), Wizard continues to sell. It must be all that colour and all those shiny pictures, because no one with any intellegence or self-respect can take a critical look at Wizard and honestly say they need it in their life.
This has been in exercise in sadness for me, as I look back on how good Captain America was under Waid and Garney, or JLA under Grant Morrison. Times have certainly changed since the late 1990s when it seemed like the mainstream was still capable of generating quality comics even under the work-for-hire environment. No doubt the lack of proper compensation inherent in the typical work-for-hire schemes of Marvel and DC have contributed to the current lack of energy and quality in many, many superhero titles. Frankly, there's not a title listed above that wouldn't improve comics by disappearing immediately. Don't forget, though, that there are comics that matter in the mainstream. You just need to take a critical look at how you're spending your money and decide for yourself what is worth supporting, and what you should drop. Because for every piece of junk like Lab Rats, there's a great indy title like Jack Staff, Sequential or Strangehaven waiting for you to discover it.